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The Experience of Loneliness | Brisbane Wellbeing Psychologists

Loneliness, isolation, and social disconnection are becoming increasingly prevalent in today’s world. This growth in loneliness is a relatively recent phenomenon, brought about by the rise in global population, the breaking down of local communities, and the increasing atomization of people’s family structures, workplaces, and lives, following rapid industrialisation after the Second World War. Researchers have even gone so far as to suggest that loneliness is an “epidemic of modern society”, and one that underlies a wide range of physical and mental health challenges.

Despite the abundance of research demonstrating that loneliness and feelings of social isolation can befall even the most privileged members of society, a certain level of perceived stigma continues to make it hard for most of us to admit (either to ourselves or others) that we are lonely. While personality characteristics such as shyness and introversion can make it harder for some to seek out, initiate, or maintain social connections, this is certainly not the whole story, as there are in fact a myriad of other psychological and social structural factors that increase the likelihood of experiencing loneliness.

With adolescents or young adults, for example, cognitive and physical developmental changes can often increase the vulnerability of experiencing loneliness, along with life-stage transitions, identity exploration and development, as well as major shifts in friendship circles. Perhaps a less well-recognised aspect of loneliness, and one that is often hard for people to talk about or to recognise, comes from what seem outwardly to be positive life changes, such as graduating high school, starting a new job or university degree, or moving to a new city. These are often celebrated as major achievements in people’s lives, but they can also bring about a sense of personal turmoil, instability, and further exacerbate feelings of loneliness. In this way, the hidden costs of these life changes (e.g. eating lunch alone, struggling to find a new group of friends, not having anyone to do fun things with after work/uni), are often glossed over, as people feel they’re expected to celebrate these milestones, so much so that many people will avoid bringing up the difficulties they’re experiencing with those close to them.

In addition, while loneliness is commonly thought of as the product of being physically alone or physically isolated, loneliness can actually be experienced even when surrounded by friends, family, and loved ones, and even in such highly social settings as work, school, university, or the family home. In fact, it is now well-known that psychological loneliness is much more than a lack of physical connection, and that it can actually increase when physically close to others (e.g. being at a party with friends, a family dinner), as these situations highlights just how disconnected someone is from the people around them. Understanding loneliness in this way – as a product of both our psychology and the social structural aspects of the modern world – can help us identify the reasons why someone is experiencing a sense of isolation, and also work out ways and means to overcome that experience.

Specifically, recent research particularly emphasises the importance of psychological connection in giving us a sense of belonging, a sense of control over our world, and in providing meaning for our lives. Being able to identify with, and feel part of, the groups to which we belong – whether they be our friendship groups, work groups, our families, or our local communities – is especially vital to avoiding loneliness and isolation. We also need to foster a certain level of compatibility between the different groups we are part of, in terms of the norms and values of those groups, to really overcome our sense of loneliness or isolation. Each of these things can be achieved by identifying our currently existing social connections, and trying to enhance them with more active participation and effort, as well as by identifying new opportunities for joining groups, and taking hold of those opportunities when they present themselves. We can also look to pinpoint those groups or connections that do not provide a psychological sense of belonging, and try to make them less central to our daily lives.

Loneliness can be debilitating, and many of the social structural factors that bring it about can be difficult to change, but there are ways to decrease our sense of isolation, which can have extremely beneficial effects for our physical and mental well-being. Work in each of the areas identified above, for example, can be done collaboratively with a therapist, where tailored solutions can be generated to reduce one’s experience of loneliness.

A few key take-home points:

Loneliness and a sense of isolation is common in the modern world
While personality characteristics can play a part, loneliness also comes about through social structural factors, through no fault of the individual person
Being connected is much more than being surrounded by people; the sense of psychological connection is key
Feeling part of the groups we belong to is very important to our mental well-being, as is compatibility between those groups
The social structural factors that bring about loneliness can be difficult to change, but there are ways to decrease our sense of isolation. Clarifying the difficulties in one’s personal circumstance and developing skills and strategies to overcome them in a therapeutic setting, for example, is one way in which we can start to make positive changes in overcoming loneliness.

References

Haslam, C., Jetten, J., Cruwys, T., Dingle, G., & Haslam, S. A. (2018). The new psychology of health: Unlocking the social cure. Routledge.

Killeen, C. (1998). Loneliness: an epidemic in modern society. Journal of advanced nursing, 28(4), 762-770.

Laursen, B., & Hartl, A. C. (2013). Understanding loneliness during adolescence: Developmental changes that increase the risk of perceived social isolation. Journal of Adolescence, 36(6), 1261-1268.

Stivers, R. (2004). Shades of loneliness: Pathologies of a technological society. Rowman & Littlefield Publishers.

Author: Li Lim, Psychologist

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